Apparently I blog once a year. Maybe I’ll do it a bit more often in this new season. I’m a month out from wrapping up 11 years as Children’s Director at Park Springs Bible Church. I think I am only at the tip of the iceberg in looking back and seeing God’s faithfulness over the past decade. What a joy and privilege it was to serve families, grow in ministry, and see God work through His church. God authors the best stories and the past season was an incredible chapter from coming to Texas as a young girl thinking I had my life planned out when the relationship I was in was broken, I was in a job I didn’t feel qualified for, and was far from any family. To then, God giving me a passion for Children’s Ministry, friendships for a lifetime, a husband who is my best friend, 2 kiddos to love and disciple, and family close by.
Sometimes we don’t ask for new seasons. We have no choice. But sometimes there’s a nudge from the Spirit. A wrestling. And it is by faith, we step into another season. I would not have said I was burned out from ministry, but after reflecting over the last month, I think if I had continued at the pace I was going, I could have been on that trajectory and that would have been sad to view ministry as life-sucking, versus life-giving. So God in His mercy, has brought me into a new season for which I am so thankful and I get a season of rest that I don’t think I even knew I needed. There has been such clarity and peace that this was the right decision. You are always “on” in ministry. People can text anytime, you work weekends, you carry emotional weight. It’s part of the job and it is an honor to serve the Lord partnering with people, serving His church. But now, I’ve described it to friends as my brain has space. I’m not thinking about multiple things at once. I can be fully present. It feels a bit foreign being an attender at a church. I catch myself observing and evaluating, but am convicted that I just need to be. Worship freely. Soak in God’s Word deeply. Meet people open-handedly.
I have found it’s hard when I’m not being productive or efficient. I’ve worked in some capacity since I was about 12, whether it was teaching piano, selling knives (random, but true, shoutout to Cutco) teaching a classroom, or on church staff. Both kids are in school Tuesdays and Thursdays and it is an adjustment not working on those days. I think we struggle to rest, especially those in ministry. Getting out of the mindset that after I do the laundry, then I can rest. After I have cleaned and prepped dinner, then I can relax. After homeschooling or teaching piano students, then I deserve a break. I tend to put my identity and worth in what I do. But this is performance driven. I think we often view rest as a luxury, not a free invitation.
Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’” (Jeremiah 6:16) Don’t we all want the good way? The Lord is offering rest, asking for us to walk in it. Yet, are we telling Him we will not? The rest He gives is what we need, because the rest is Himself. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) Rest for our souls. Don’t we all want that?
There are seasons where rest looks different. A season with babies awake in the night, a season of work that is busy, a season of illness, a season of grief and struggles, a season of caring for others. I don’t know how long this season will be. It feels like a season of transitions, waiting on adoption, lots of unknowns, but I’m praying it would also be one of rest – rest for the soul. I find myself hungering for God’s Word. Just being with Jesus. Wanting to know Him, not thinking about what I should do for Him. Really seeing my identity and worth is in Him. No matter the season, I want every season to be filled with this. There’s excitement, trust, and a knowledge that He will continue to be the faithful Author of all seasons and is even now writing another incredible chapter.